In a bizarre and outlandish legal maneuver, Kyle Rittenhouse, the controversial figure from the Kenosha shooting trial, has taken inspiration from an unexpected source: the elusive lizard people.
Rittenhouse’s legal team, known for their eccentric tactics, has argued that if contractors can register liens, then so can they. Citing a landmark case from 1957, The United States v The Little Green Men from Mars, they assert that one can even put liens on planets to demand what they believe is owed.
With this unusual rationale in mind, Rittenhouse has now set his sights on none other than Whoopi Goldberg’s lavish Malibu home, aiming for a staggering $22 million settlement.
The lizard people, known for their supposed presence in high-ranking government positions, have reportedly influenced Rittenhouse’s legal strategy.
“It’s simple,” Rittenhouse’s attorney, reptilian aficionado Mr. Slithers, explained during a press conference. “If contractors can file liens against properties, why shouldn’t individuals or lizard people do the same? We’re simply adapting our strategies to the times and taking advantage of the legal system’s quirks.”
According to Mr. Slithers, the Little Green Men from Mars case set a groundbreaking precedent in 1957. In a legal battle that captivated the nation, a group of extraterrestrial beings claimed they were owed substantial damages after an alleged Martian invasion.
The court ruled in their favor, allowing them to place liens on Earth’s major landmarks, and even planets within the solar system if necessary. Although many legal scholars contest the authenticity of this case, Rittenhouse’s legal team remains steadfast in their interpretation.
Whoopi Goldberg, the unsuspecting target of Rittenhouse’s extraordinary lien, has yet to respond publicly. However, one can only imagine her surprise upon receiving news of this unprecedented legal action. Will Goldberg shrug it off as an absurdity, or will she be compelled to engage in a legal battle that might redefine interplanetary property law?
“While the law allows for the registration of liens against properties, the application of such measures to extraterrestrial or even celebrity-owned assets is a whole new ballgame,” remarked legal scholar Professor Scales, struggling to keep a straight face.
As this whimsical legal battle unfolds, it remains uncertain how the court will interpret Rittenhouse’s claim. Will they dismiss it as an elaborate farce, or will they consider the precedent set by the infamous Little Green Men from Mars case? Only time will tell.
In a world where conspiracy theories often blur the line between fact and fiction, Kyle Rittenhouse’s alliance with the lizard people and their audacious attempt to register a lien against Whoopi Goldberg’s Malibu home stands out as a testament to the absurdity of our times.
Whether it is a satirical commentary on the legal system’s idiosyncrasies or a desperate plea for attention, one thing is certain: this legal drama has taken an extraterrestrial twist that no one saw coming.
